About traumas
Traumas are extreme life events that threaten your physical or psychological survival. Experts agree that trauma is the most ignored, misunderstood, and untreated cause of mental suffering. Unresolved traumas can create challenges in communication, intimacy and trust. Studies have shown that many people who experience trauma could have clinically diagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder, (PTSD) while others have might have trauma-related symptoms which relate to triggers like panic attacks, angry feelings, and a loss of trust in others.
PTSD can cause suppression of positive emotions in a relationship, that might lead to an inability to express love and intimacy, and also lead to irritableness, which plays a role in conflict between partners.
How trauma can negatively affect romantic relationships
- Ongoing stressful situations can get you into a trauma state, which reminds you of past traumatic situations.
- A trauma state can lead you to say things you don’t mean, scream at your partner, or lose complete control of your emotions, and even shutting down sexual relations.
- Traumatic events can create complex and difficult cases of sexual avoidance.
- This type of behaviour may cause a partner to feel attacked, and rejected, and a cycle of resentment and hurt can develop, especially if the partner is blamed for all the problems.
- You might be inclined to put something such as an emotional wall to hide your insecurities, or even overcompensating, or overdoing, any apologies, you may deem to make for your behaviour.
Unfortunately, an apology may not last for long. Trauma symptoms and PTSD, are known to be erratic, as things can be fine one moment, and crazy the next moment. This leads to a loop of frustration and major relationship damage, which can absolutely kill a relationship.
Types of trauma
Not all trauma events are the result of sexual or physical abuse. You may have experienced events such the loss of a loved one, financial problems, unemployment, or maybe a serious illness. Current stressful events can also add to PTSD symptoms.
It is important to note that survivors of non-sexual childhood trauma such as a dysfunctional family life, may also have an effect on who they might be attracted to, and what sexuality may mean to them.
Trauma intimacy issues
Some trauma which may cause intimacy issues:
- Deliberate sabotage of relationship, by always complaining and being dissatisfied.
- Sex addiction and constant unfaithfulness of a partner.
- A lack of communication and an inability to express sexual needs.
- An idea that you are not understood in any way, especially with regard to your emotions, which results in levels of frustration, so that want you want to run away from your problems.
- General stress and anxiety in your daily life.
These can be very difficult situations which may need a counsellor to help find a solution to help you cope with the issues, and save your relationship from breaking up.
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