Are sexual fantasies healthy?

Indulging in sexual fantasising is a natural, psychological occurrence, similar to dreaming, or daydreaming. Sometimes these fantasies may be fun and satisfying, while at other times they may be quite disturbing. Research conducted by a psychologist in the UK revealed that almost everyone has sexual fantasies, but very few people talk about them, not even with their closest friends. Many have a guilty feeling about fantasies, and believe that it may indicate that something could be amiss with their relationships. However, sexual behaviour experts maintain that sexual fantasies are absolutely normal, and are part of being a sexual being. There are times when fantasies may be helpful, for example for a woman who might have had a mastectomy and needs to rebuild her self-esteem, or perhaps also helpful for a man who has suffered trauma which has resulted in a measure of lost sexual desire and libido.

Common types of sexual fantasies

• About 50% of women interviewed reported that their imaginations ran towards sex with a celebrity.
• Many men also imagined themselves making beautiful poster-girl celebrities squirm with pleasure.
• The idea of being dominated is entertained by both men and women. This may involve being held down by a partner while being kissed and loved, without actually going the whole way to pain and humiliation. This fantasy is often played out between trusted and loving partners.
• Women seem to love the idea of dominating the man in the bedroom. This might be because women are expected to generally be submissive in most areas of life, as well as in relationships. The power to call the shots during sex is a very exciting thought to many women.
• Both partners may fantasise about sex in unusual places such as a hotel room, the kitchen table, the lounge carpet, or even in the car. If both agree, any of these places can bring a new excitement to love-making.

These are only some of the more common fantasies people have. Remember, fantasies that improve self-esteem and intimate relations with your partner are usually the most rewarding.

Fantasies which may lead to risky behaviour

If you are confused about whether your fantasies are good or bad for you, the list below may help you to decide:

• Does the fantasy lower your self-esteem or cause shameful feelings?
• Do the fantasies create a distance between you and your partner?
• Does a particular fantasy cause distress to your partner?
• Does any fantasy result in feelings of disgust and repulsion which upset you?

If there are any fantasies in that line, for your own self-esteem, it would be best to put them out of your mind, in case a good relationship is harmed, and normal sexuality becomes difficult.

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