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Are you using sex as a weapon?

by | Mar 2, 2022 | Articles, Relationships, Sex

What does this mean?

When you use sex as a weapon, you intentionally withhold sex as retaliation for not getting emotional or physical needs met. Controlling the amount and timing of sex can also be a way to try and get more power in a relationship. One of the most common dysfunctions in a relationship is when a partner uses sex as a weapon to get his or her own way in a situation. In many relationships, sex drives do not always match up, and one partner may have a lower sex drive than the other.

The partner with the lower sex drive may take advantage of using sex as a weapon against the partner who has a much higher sex drive. Unfortunately, this is the person who will suffer the most when there is strife and dissatisfaction in the relationship. 

However, just because there may be a difference in desire levels in a relationship, saying no from time to time does not mean that sex is being used as retaliation or a weapon against a partner. For sex to be used as a weapon, the offending person has to have the intent to manipulate, blackmail, or hurt the other person concerned.

Ways to tell if you are using sex as a weapon – or if it is being used against you!

Some common signs, which apply to men and women, to help you decide if this applies to you:

  • If you nag and criticize your partner on a regular basis, you are deliberately using sex to dampen the desire of your partner. Many people need a sense of intimacy before engaging in a sexual encounter, nagging works against intimacy, and nobody wants to have sex with a constant nagger.
  • If you have let yourself go, it can also be a passion killer for one or both of you. Ladies, if you hang around in old sweatpants, and faded T-shirts, it may be a subtle hint that you are not available, as you make no effort to be visually attractive. Guys, it may be the same for you, especially if you develop an unattractive belly, and are often unshaven with unkempt hair that needs a trim, your partner may feel that you are using your appearance as a weapon to deny intimacy if her libido is higher than yours.
  • You may keep track of things that you want your partner to do, and decide to withhold sex until he or she does what you want. This is definitely using sex as a weapon to get your own way.

Research has shown that sex is an important component of romantic relationships. Studies also show that physical love should be used to deepen the connection to each other and keep your relationship on a firm, respectful footing. Professionals declare that using sex as means of getting your own way, or taking revenge for an offence committed, is a major cause of sexual dysfunction in marriage or a relationship. Both men and women are guilty of this emotional aberration, which often leads to a breakup.

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