We all worry about the quality of our lovemaking
Great sex tips for men
According to WebMD, when it comes to sex, most men worry about their performance and physique. Even when the sex is great and both partners have great orgasms men worry that they are not having as much sex as other men. Research has shown that men are affected by a lot of self doubt and also confused by many myths and misconceptions regarding lovemaking.
To help you make the most of your sex life below we discuss some fantastic lovemaking tips from WebMD.
1. Use your mouth
According to clinical sexologist and author of The Art of Sex Coaching, Patti Britton, communication is crucial.
“Great sex is in the eye of the beholder, or the be-hander. For some men, it might be the ability to produce fantabulous multiple orgasms in their partner. For other men, it might mean being able to last three minutes. Being a great lover means becoming a great lover to your particular partner, and that requires doing something very difficult: opening your mouth.”
When it comes to making love the mouth is not just useful for kissing and oral sex – good communication is also vitally important! You need to be able to both speak about what you want and also to find out what your partner wants too. Make sure that you build a relationship based on open and trusting communication.
According to New York based psychologist and sexologist Joy Davidson, author of Fearless Sex, by getting to know yourself and your partner you will build a far more erotic sexual relationship.
2. Don’t believe the hype
Often, when men do talk about sex, they exaggerate in order to impress their peers. They are far less likely than women to discuss their insecurities and fears. They exaggerate their exploits and create a distorted picture of sex for themselves and each other. Sexologist Joy Davidson explains that this causes men to feel that other men are having more sex and better sex than themselves and feel that they are missing out.
Studies have found that the actual average frequency of sex in a long-term relationship is only about once every 10 days. So stop comparing yourself to inaccurate expectations and focus instead on improving your relationship instead.
3. Don’t compare yourself to porn stars
Many men learn about sex from porn. This creates unrealistic expectations and comparisons. In real life the world is not populated by perfect men with perfectly etched abs and equipment the size of a horse. Believing this will always make a man feel inferior and worry about what he is doing wrong. It’s this kind of thinking that causes many men to believe that they are too small – but they are comparing themselves to a self-selected extreme.
Another myth spread by porn is that women should always want and be ready for sex. The truth is that in the real world it’s okay to say ‘not tonight’with or without a headache. Other myths are that the same techniques will work at all times for all women and also that all sex must culminate in an orgasm for the women in order to be satisfying.
Michael Castleman, a San Francisco-based sex expert and author of Great Sex: A Man’s Guide to the Secret Principles of Total-Body Sex says:
“I’m not going to stand in the way of your watching porn, as long as you’re aware that it’s not reality. It’s like watching a car chase in an action movie. It’s exciting. It’s entertaining. But everyone knows it’s not the way to drive.”
4. Focus on pleasurable Sensations
The stresses and demands of everyday life is an enemy of great sex. And so is worrying about your performance. Sexologist Patti Britton suggests practicing quieting the ”ceaseless inner-chatter” of our nervous minds in order to become open to better lovemaking. She suggests that men remember to focus on the pleasurable sensations in the here and now rather than allowing themselves to be distracted by their own minds.
“There are techniques ranging from eye-gazing to massage and synchronized breathing that help keep you in the moment. Great sex happens in the present. It doesn’t happen in the future, like worrying about how quickly you’re going to come.”
5. Don’t forget the foreplay
Although size does matter to some women, bigger is not always better. Instead of worrying about size Joy Davidson suggests that men think more in terms of fit. In other words you need to be the right size for your partner rather than being the right size for all women. And some women prefer a man who is not too big – depending on her own physiology. A perfect fit is not the only important factor. Men often don’t spend enough time on foreplay – what Davidson terms ”kissing, cooing, caressing – the full panoply of sexual pleasure giving.”
Another important factor is a man’s voice. Davidson explains that women are very responsive to a mans voice – if a man learns to use his voice in a sexy manner it can do wonders for the lovemaking.
6. Schedule regular sex
Sexologist Michael Castleman recommends this especially for couples in long term relationships that have passed the stage of not being able to keep their hands off each other. He explains that what one sees in the movies, where the sex is spontaneous and passionate and usually accompanied with a rousing soundtrack is not the way things work in real life.
By scheduling sex you can develop comforting or sensual rituals and romantic gestures and include relaxing sensual activities such as giving each other a massage or showering or bathing together. It also solves the problem of differences in desire. Sometimes a relationship requires compromises, Castleman says, but his clients have found that once they build regular sex into their schedule they begin to enjoy it more.
