What is construed as a sexless marriage or partnership?

The best way to describe a sexless partnership is when couples are not engaging in sexual activity, or are having absolutely minimal sexual encounters.

Minimal sexual intimacies have been defined as 10 or less intimate encounters over a period of one year. This is a professional definition by experts in sex therapy, but not necessarily that of society. Most people in a so-called sexless relationship might better describe the issue as a conscious or subconscious avoidance of pleasure-based intimacy between partners.

Some folk are just fine with no sex, or even minimal sex, and they have nothing to be concerned about. However, if the frequency of sex is an issue in your relationship, don’t worry because there are solutions available.

Decide if being in a sexless partnership bothers you

Talk about it to your partner, if you are bothered by a lack of intimacy, or a lack of frequency of having sexual encounters. Discuss the situation without assigning blame to each other which would only result in making matters worse.

Here are some issues worth considering

• Only the individuals in a relationship should decide whether you are actually in a sexless partnership. Do not rely on internet stories or the experiences of others to decide for you.
• Everyone is different, and if you and your partner are satisfied with a sexual encounter even once every 3 months, then there is no problem.
• However if one of you is taking strain and feeling frustrated that your sexual needs are not being met, it may be a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
• If the last time you and your partner enjoyed an intimate encounter is only a distant memory in both your minds, it may mean something needs to be done.

If any of issues are causing you concern, and there is no sign of improvement, consider consulting a professional counsellor for advice on how to restore your relationship.

How to rebuild a sexless partnership

There are various reasons why someone may want to avoid sex at all costs. In many instances it could be because of medical reasons, but quite often it may be due to psychological issues.

Some medical reasons why you may not be sexually interested in your partner:

• Hormonal hassles like low testosterone, and menopausal symptoms such as low libido caused by low estrogen levels.
• Antidepressant medication side effects which are known to seriously affect sexual desire.
• Chronic fatigue and some chronic health conditions.
• Middle or late-term pregnancy.
• Psychological reasons which may result in avoiding sex.
• Resentment lurking in the subconscious over a partner’s past infidelities, which seem to infiltrate the conscious mind and overwhelm any thoughts of a sexual encounter.
• Cultural or religious differences can also play a part in promoting a sexless marriage. Many cultures believe that it is not right for a woman to enjoy sex, and if she does, there is a lot of subconscious guilt attached, feelings which kill passionate emotions before they even begin.

In all of these cases, with good communication and professional help, a loving couple who have the will, can successfully rebuild their sexless relationship, and restore a healthy, enjoyable sex life.

We can help

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